Empty
by Lady Syndil
Summary: A Soubi story about how he feels then and now.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless, much the pity. **

**AN: A story for Soubi.**

Empty

The Blank, that's what they'd called him when he'd first been in the school of the Seven Moons, A partner less fighter. There was no name on his body, but he clearly had all the powers of a fighter, passed to him from his mother. She who had once been partners with Ritsu, but she had married another and Soubi had been born from that union. They said he looked just like his dead Mother. He didn't remember anymore, she and his father had died in a car accident when he'd been very young. RItsu had brought him to the school, it was all he remembered. It was all Ritsu had allowed him to remember.

Empty, that's what they should have called him, because that's how he felt inside, alone and empty. There was no one special for him. No one to love no one who loved him, he had no Sacrifice to give him orders and direction. So he filled his empty days with study, he studied hard and long, learning all that he could, waiting for the day that his would become the fighter of a Sacrifice. He soon was the top student at the school, despite his lack of a partner.

Ritsu now a teacher at the school had watched the boy as he grew and became not only stronger, but looked more and more like his mother with each passing day. In honor of her memory, he would make Soubi the strongest Fighter to ever cast a spell. At least that's how it started.

When Soubi was 13 Ritsu began giving him 'private lessons' at first these lessons mostly consisted of helping the boy with his studying and spell casting, as the boy grew stronger and learned what Ritsu taught him, they started on theory and covered the various strengths and weaknesses of the other Fighter Units within the Seminole Moon organization and how best to defeat them.

Then Ritsu decided it was time to rid the boy of his weaknesses. Soubi was almost 15 by now and his soft strawberry blonde hair and equally soft ears along with his aqua blue eyes had started haunting Ritsu's dreams. Ritsu started disciplining the boy all in the name of making him stronger, making him invincible, and Soubi took it, took it all. For Ritsu had convinced him that if he felt pain then he was still alive. For Soubi had begun to wondered if he was alive or not he felt so empty inside, so lonely at least the pain told him he was still here. And so the 'private lessons' took on a new tone. Each time ending with Ritsu 'ordering him' to stand here or bend over there, take off this piece of clothing or that one and all the while to keep quiet and grit his teeth as Ritsu beat him. For he must become stronger if he was ever going to have a Sacrifice someday.

Shortly after his 15th birthday Soubi learned that not all the fighter students had 'private lessons' such as he had, that in fact most Fighters and Sacrifices were kind to one another, no matter how brutal they may be in battle towards their opponents. In despair he had run away from the school and hid. But he had no where to go, no one to turn to, he was alone and empty.

So he had eventually cold and starving returned to the school, to Ritsu and standing in his office told him he was back to stay. Ritsu had been furious when the boy, his protégé had left, left him. He told himself it was because Nigisa had engineered a new kind of Fighter unit, The Zeros. And that to defeat that Moronic idiot's creations he needed Soubi, his Soubi. It was time to teach the boy the lesson of the Zero's and their weakness.

"Remove your shirt and place your hands against the wall. Now." The silent boy did as he was told, shrugging out of the loose white shirt he stood facing the wall stretching his arms out he placed his palms against the wall at shoulder height. Just s he had learned to do during other 'lessons'. The whip bit deep into his back as Ritsu took out his anger on the boy for leaving.

"Grit your teeth, don't make a sound. Lack of pain is the Zero's real weakness. It is not that they control it, but that they feel nothing at all. Pain helps you defend your body against attack. If you do not feel pain, you will not know when you have received too much damage. That you are near death and so a being that feels no pain will never win against one who does." And the beating continued, Soubi gritting his teeth and taking it as he always did.

That day it infuriated Ritsu beyond reason that he could get no response from Soubi, no matter how hard he applied the whip. In a rage the older man removed his own shirt and went to the boy and pressing his body against his raw and blood stained back he gave into his dark desires. Biting the slender blondes shoulder, he removed the boy pants and then his own. And as he raped the silently sobbing Soubi he whispered these words.

"I order you to take it and not cry out. This is your punishment for leaving."

It was obvious when Soubi returned to class that he had become an adult since he'd left, the obvious proof of that was his lack of ears and tail. He had gone straight to Ritsu when he had returned and so no one knew it had been the Principle himself that had taken them upon his return. Soubi as quiet as always didn't enlighten anyone either, why should he, to him they barely existed. And for the next 2 years it was Ritsu who controlled Soubi, for the damage was done, it wasn't long before it hurt less and then he began to enjoy what his teacher did to him during their 'private lessons', and he learned more than how to just be strong, but there was no feeling there past the moment, no bond for him, he was still empty inside.

Then a bright new Sacrifice was brought to the school 'Beloved', but his Fighter was nowhere to be found. The elders of Seminole Moon over rode Ritsu's objections that Soubi was meant for something different, and gave the fighter to the new Student. A 14 year old boy named Seimei. Seimei proved to be an excellent student, strong and capable and more than willing to dominate and control Soubi. He took him completely for his own, going so far as to carve his name 'Beloved' in the older teen's throat. They fought their way up the Fighter Unit ranks, brutally defeating each pair that opposed them. Each time they fought the name on Soubi's throat would bleed. The elders started to become concerned regarding 'Beloved's motives, for he was brutal and would order Soubi kill their fallen opponents if they were unable to defend themselves or escape.

Seimei began to get even more secretive, he had never explained his motives to Soubi for what he did. He had just given orders and expected them to be obeyed and when they weren't carried out to his satisfaction he disciplined the older male. And for a time Soubi didn't feel quite so empty, Seimei was strong, he controlled him and gave him the order and direction he desired so much. It wasn't perfect, he often disagreed with Seimei decisions, but Seimei was more than strong enough to enforce his orders.

When Soubi was 19 they left the School of the Seven Moons. Seimei went home to be with and protect his little brother and Soubi enrolled in a local college at Seimei orders. His major was chosen for him based on a secondary talent, he could draw and paint. It was there while Seimei was away that he met an outgoing young man named Kio. Kio latched onto Soubi and basically forced him into the first 'friendship' he had ever had, the loud and energetic Kio drawn irresistibly to the quiet and restrained Soubi. Seimei would visit Soubi often at his apartment and thought his 'friendship' with the simple seeming Kio was funny and as it didn't interfere with his plans he left it alone.

Then one day Seimei gave Soubi new orders, orders regarding his younger brother Ritsuka. If Seimei ever died, Soubi was to become Ritsuka's fighter and protect him, Seimei's word was law to Soubi he would follow them, he promised. Seimei told Soubi that Ritsuka's True name was 'Loveless'. A few weeks later Seimei was found murdered. Soubi was alone again and he fell into a deep dark despair.

He was so alone, so empty.

He withdrew into himself, it was like he was a living corpse. It was only Kio's gentle care that eventually saw him thru that dark period. Kio made sure he managed to eat and watched over his friend. He had never liked Seimei and the weird hold he seemed to have over Soubi. It was during this period of care taking that Kio saw all the scars on Soubi's back and over his body, scars from years of abuse and fighting. He never mentioned to Soubi he's seen them, though he suspected Soubi knew he had.

Slowly Soubi seemed to recover and started going to class again. But Soubi was waiting for something or rather someone. But that person didn't come for him and so he went to find him. Ritsuka, Seimei's younger brother and the one who would now be his Sacrifice.

Ritsuka, he was nothing that Soubi had expected. And as he got to know the boy the he found he was the polar opposite of Seimei in many ways, kind, generous and forgiving, where Seimei would have killed a fallen foe without thought or mercy, Ritsuka ordered Soubi to win, but he also ordered him to not to kill the ones they defeated. He often blamed himself for everything that was wrong and not other people. And this sweet kind boy was all these things despite being crippled by a split personality and an abusive and insane mother and a father that was just as bad, for he turned a blind eye to his wife's insanity and abusive behavior towards their only remaining son.

But there was a hidden strength to Ritsuka, one that had not been in Seimei. Also Ritsuka had a power over Soubi that Seimei had never had, would never have. Because for Ritsuka his heart was filled with love.

Epilogue: A little over a year had passed since Ritsuka had filled the empty place in his heart and Soubi was standing outside Ritsuka's Middle School waiting for him to come out from his first day of class. He lit a cigarette and started smoking as he thought about all the people that had come into his life since then. Yuiko, still called Soubi almost daily , she at least had stopped growing taller and Ritsuka and Yayoi were starting to catch up to her, eventually they might just pass the healthy girl. Soubi smiled at the thought. Kio still called Soubi a Pervert for being in love with a kid and teased him constantly. Kouya and Yamato had started College this fall, no longer 'Zero', they were just every day students trying to make a place in the world. The male Zero's had returned to the school, it was the only thing they knew, but they too kept in touch. Hitomi Sensei, well she was trying to help Ritsuka as best she could, Soubi had decided that despite the fact she was a teacher she was an alright person.

Ritsuka was still a little 'too young' to give him all that he needed, he didn't want Ritsuka to give him his ears before he was ready. But that day would come of that he was now sure, because he was no longer 'Loveless' maybe that's what Ritsuka's name really meant, that he Ritsuka, drove away lovelessness, not that he was loveless.

Soubi's life was full now, he was no longer alone, no longer…

Empty.

___

AN: I just love Soubi he is so easy and yet so complicated at the same time.


End file.
